Cate’s Orphanage Visit

Last night once we finally got Cate to sleep - she slept great. She cried around 4:45 this morning, but was comforted by me just reaching over and rubbing her back and holding her hand through the crib slats - she went right back to sleep. We had to wake her up around 6 because we had to meet our guide at 7:40 to head to her orphanage. We have already figured out that she is not a quick-riser. It took me almost 20 minutes to get her to really open her eyes and be semi-awake today. It’s so hard to know if she just loves to sleep - or if this is just her way of coping with the stress of so many new things. I mean, I won’t lie - I kind of hope she’s a good sleeper! 

We ate breakfast - Cate ate fried noodles and then emptied her plate of everything else by handing me every single bite of scrambled eggs and beans one by one. She let Nate feed her some fried rice and yogurt also - yay! It’s still so odd to me that every meal in China is similar - rice and noodles, full blown meat and veggies at 6 a.m. - thank goodness for the western omelette bar and fruit! 

We left for her orphanage around 7:45 and I could tell she was already getting sleepy. I had been nervous about the van ride (thank goodness we had Mr. Driver now) because we had a 2.5 hour each way trip to complete in one day - aye aye aye. We get in the van and the driver is “tell me if it gets too cold for you”. (Blink blink blink) it’s 99 degrees here with 207% humidity and you have the air conditioner on “1” - sir, it is not too cold. Cate snuggled up and went to sleep not too long into the drive. I started sweating and feeling like I was going to vomit and asked our guide to please turn up the air - oh yes, yes, yes! Air is moved to “2”. (Oh, perfect that helps.)  She woke up about 30 minutes before we arrived and did great the rest of the ride. (Praise the Lord!)

I didn’t know how I would feel seeing where she lived for so long - it was really like an out of body experience. I was also terrified that after last night and how hard of a time she had that we would have major regression today. I prepared myself for the worst. As we walked up to her orphanage - the first thing I noticed was how clean the facility itself seemed to be. Two men opened the door and said “oh!!! Sun Fei Fei! Hello!” She waved but refused to go to him and immediately started fussing. (Oh, this is great! I thought. Part of me felt like it meant she is bonding to us - the other part of me felt awful for bringing her back - what if she thinks we are leaving her again?!?!) He then proceeds to tell our guide that he is the one who found her at the gate. I couldn’t believe it - I must have asked like 4 times if she was sure. We literally met the man who found our daughter at the gate - the one who shares her family name “Sun” (the Chinese version of a last name). It felt so weird and odd and how do you thank someone for finding your baby? We were able to get a picture with him - which I am sure will be something she will want to see later in her life. 

One of her nannies came up and started talking to her - but again she refused to leave my arms - it really made me feel at this point like this was both a good and terrible idea all at the same time. We walked down several hallways and then out to the playground where she seemed very excited to be - we saw the places we had seen in the pictures her orphanage had sent.  

The Vice Director of the orphanage came outside to tell us to come in because it was hot (I’m not sure what gave it away - the fact that my dress was now tie dye from sweat or the fact that Nate looked like he was mid-shower. Ha!) They took us to her room and showed us her bed and told us that she was the favorite and so she was used to getting to sleep in the big bed with a nanny or at least fall asleep there and then be moved to her bed - which could explain why she is having a harder time at night. Her favorite nanny walked in the room and she almost JUMPED out of my arms to her. I felt like crying - but the half of me that is so grateful to these ladies who raised my baby for me knew it was the right thing to do to let them say goodbye to her.  We asked what this nanny’s name was and I thought I heard wrong when she answered - it’s Lie Mei. (I heard it as Lee-oo Mei - which immediately made me think of Cate’s middle name Lily-Mei). They were so happy when we explained the meaning behind her name - (another post I need to write) but how crazy that we met the man she was named after and she also shares a name with the lady who took care of her for so long!? 

We walked down another hall (her nanny still holding her) and into a small classroom with three tables full of kids. She marched right up to a little boy at a table - said something in mandarin - pulled out a chair and sat down and started barking orders at the teachers and kids. My mouth had to have been on the ground. I feel like we saw a glimpse of the real Cate we will have once she gets fully comfortable with us and is home. She was loud, bossy, and into everything. We kept watching as she talked to the other kids - who handed over all their toys to her - and the teachers I felt like were catering to everything she asked them for (in Chinese so I have no actual idea what she was saying or if it was just gibberish and they know her lingo). I asked the guide who was talking to her doctor what she thought about this and the doctor responded “she is the princess and she gets what she wants”. Oh, have mercy-  are we going to have our hands full. 

I took some more pictures and asked her doctor a few questions - none of which she had a clear answer for regarding her medical history. I asked for more information from her file and she said if she could locate it she would let me know. I was hopeful we could find some scans or more information - but it doesn’t seem like this exists.  The doctor DID tell us however that she does NOT like men because her therapists were both men and she feels like they cause her pain. This made us both feel a little better about her hesitation with Nate holding her. Ha!  

On her gotcha day I had asked the ladies who brought her if her nannies would be willing to write our memories or stories that we could have translated for her - one of those ladies came in with a folder tied carefully with a red ribbon (red means good fortune in China- and is very symbolic to them) - inside the folder was another handmade folder that contained four notes and some art with her picture that her nannies made her yesterday because I asked. I was so overcome with emotion. Such a treasure for her (and us!) to know she was so very very loved. 

I was so nervous to leave that room and her favorite nanny - but they told us we would be meeting the director around lunch time. They took us across the courtyard and into a big conference room to wait. Cate was getting tired and honestly I was hoping we were almost done because I felt totally emotionally drained. The director comes in and shakes our hand and asks us if we have any questions for him. We re-asked about her medical information - which - like most high level executives - he was unsure and said that would be a question to follow up with the nanny. They did tell us she had been in another orphanage for two months at some point but that they truly loved her here and were so happy she was getting a family. We stood to shake hands and take a picture and give our gift we had brought for the director - when they told us the director had a special meal prepared for us and was so happy to dine with our family. 

Y’all. Let me preface this - the director was a very nice man - but he also seemed very much like a person you don’t want to cross? If this makes sense. Oh, yes - lunch sounds wonderful! Our guide had mentioned possibly “having lunch” but I pictured a cafeteria style setting with the kids eating some friend rice and being on our way. Oh - no. We walk into a giant room with a huge round table and a big sparkly lazy susan that took up most of the table. I was familiar with this from our other family style meal we had and was semi excited to see what they served - also because I was thinking we will finally get to see how Cate is used to eating. That’s when he informed us that we would be eating all the specialties that Huai’an is famous for. That’s when I started to get a little anxious. (1) my chopstick skills are way way way less than par and (2) I love food - but I also love the option of opting out and (3) I hate eating under pressure. So, the first course comes out - spring rolls - oh good - I can do this - only I’m so nervous I can’t operate my chopsticks. Finally Director Luo laughs and tells me to use my fingers. (Oh good grief!) I will not be beat! The next bowl comes out and this is when I start to panic. It’s shrimp. Which I love - when it butterflied, battered and fried! This shrimp had a bunch of legs, a tail, giant eyeballs and antennas floating in water. Oh sweet mercy. Since I was having trouble operating my chopsticks I believe the director thought he would be helpful and dip my plate for me. (Now - let’s all pause to think about the fact that there are eight people around the table and each person uses their own utensils to get the food from the serving dish. Only I am not only getting directly served by the Director’s personal chopsticks - yum - but everyone else’s at the table. There - and I don’t even like my kids going to the Chickfila play area - germ central - on my plate.) Anyway. On go four giant shrimp. Okay. I can do this - I like shrimp. Just not used to cracking them, ripping their heads off and sucking their body out of the shell. Okay no worries. Out came other dishes - chicken and peppers, meatballs and celery, beef and potatoes, rice, broccoli, steamed vegetables (bok choy and mushrooms), tofu and leeks, scrambled eggs and tomatoes and then some local fish - full body on the plate fish - also okay - no worries. Mind you, Director Luo is fixing both of our plates because the couple bites I am putting on my plate (and splitting with Cate) were not enough - he is heaping my plate, filling a bowl and asking for a second plate for me - I was doing my best to keep up - but I was overwhelmed and Cate was getting antsy and I was trying to feed as much as I could to her so I wouldn’t be rude. He finally told me to stop attempting chopsticks and use my fingers or my spoon.  I was eating as fast as I could but every time the table turned he was adding to my plate “for your family! So thankful!” Ugh - how can I argue? Finally the last course comes out and I’m still trying to catch up - they put the plate down and ask if we have any guesses as to what it was - Nate goes “snake” - and I started to get (more) nervous. “Oh no (ha ha ha) it’s eel!! Local delicacy- so expensive here - special for your family!” (Sweet merciful heavens). They spin the plate toward Nate and I quickly said a prayer. I so desperately didn’t want to be rude and I am so thankful for all they have done - I am going to eat this eel if it literally kills me. (But, can we talk about how we aren’t supposed to drink the water yet apparently eating everything that comes out of it is totally fine? Woah.) Nate chooses two small eels and puts them on his plate then it’s my turn - before I can even attempt to help myself - the Director has emptied five eels on to my already semi heaped plate that I haven’t finished. FIVE. F.I.V.E.  I literally felt like I was on Fear Factor - my own personal Fear Factor - Adoption Edition. I took a bite (as everyone watched) and went mmmmmmm as it slid down my throat like a giant loogie-coated-warm-twizzler. Oh. My. Word. At this point I start to try to take big bites because I thought maybe it would help? It didn’t. Honestly, the flavor wasn’t so bad - but I couldn’t get past the texture. Thank goodness Cate started to fuss and everyone noticed she was ready to go and I took the opportunity to stand up and bounce her - when the director told one of the ladies at the table “you take the baby - let her finish her food”. NOOOO please don’t take my baby! I’m totally done! I’m reeEELlly done (ha! See what I did there?) Cate was snatched from my arms and everyone at the table watched as I grimaced smiled my way through three more eel before saying I was super full - which was totally true but also I was starting to sweat and the last eel was not going to make it down. Thankfully no one seemed super offended and Nate mouthed “I’m so proud of you” which almost made me cry. 

In all seriousness - we are so thankful for all they did for Cate and our family before they even knew us - it was the least I could do. But that being said - if you guys ever come to my house - and I force feed you - which I know I tend to do - please remind me of this moment. I mean Reeeeeeelly remind me. That might never get old. 

We said our goodbyes and I was shocked with Cate blew a kiss - said bye bye and waved (which she has learned in two days) and couldn’t have been happier to leave with us. I was totally expecting her to melt down - but it was almost like she saw us with her people - everyone she loved had a chance to talk to her and see her and see she was doing well - and hug me while saying “this is your momma” and she just accepted it (for the moment).

On the way out we stopped at the gate to take a picture. I really still can’t believe that she was just found there? It makes me so very sad that for whatever reason - I am assuming her caretaker was worried for her medical needs - she couldn’t be taken care of and the best option was to leave her in a place for someone to find. She was not left as a newborn - and the age she was I can only assume she was probably somewhat mobile - and the gate is beside a busy street. This made me think - wow - it was better for her to be left - and possibly hit by a car - but also possibly found and taken in - than to stay with her family. Aren’t we so blessed in America to have access to care for our babies when they are sick? That insurance or no insurance we can get help? May I never take this for granted again. I am so very thankful for God’s protection on her little life. Even though there is sadness - today there is joy. Joy that she was found safe. Joy that she was given a chance to have medical attention. Joy that she was chosen to have a file prepared. (They also told us today that not all children get their files prepared because it’s expensive - so they can only prepare files for children they believe have even a chance at being chosen. I can’t get this out of my head.) Joy that we saw her face when we did. Joy that someone chose to advocate for her. Joy that our paperwork went through. Joy that God chose us to be her parents. Joy that she is so full of joy - despite her circumstances. Joy for all the Father is going to do in her life from this point forward. 

In the middle of sadness today there was and will continue to be - JOY - and for that I am thankful.