Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Why Adoption??

My great grandparents were my first exposure to foster care and adoption. I was blessed to have known them. I can still remember going over to my Granny Harper and Pop's house and seeing a house full of kids. Kids from all backgrounds. Older kids. Babies. Toddlers. Some easy to love and some not. Granny loved them all. And she loved them all well - just like they were hers. They didn't have much, but they were a family.

I distinctly remember going over one night (I can't even remember what for) but I walked through the front porch and into the kitchen, and granny had a table full of kids, all eating out of pie tins for plates. Granny and Pop didn't change the world, but they (unknowingly) changed mine. They opened my eyes, even as a kid, to people who were different than me. Kids that didn't grow up the way I did, with a mom and dad who love me. They showed me that everyone, regardless of the life they are born into, deserves love. And I feel like even as a kid, I knew that one day, I would adopt. 


 Nate and I have discussed adoption since our first (real) date, I think. [You know - the date where I put it all out there - because I knew I was moving away to college and I really did't know if I wanted to be interested enough in another person to even attempt the long distance thing? That date. The one where I totally tried to come across as the crazy girl who really didn't want to go to school to be anything more than a mom, but I wanted to move away because I just wanted to breathe on my own, figure out who I am, and boys stink and always break my heart, and I'm only here for the free dinner, and did I mention I really just want to get married and have babies, and adopt babies from other places, and have animals, and more babies, and cook and bake for my family - but I'm moving away and so you really don't want to get involved here....you know, that date?] Apparently, Nate had a thing for crazy girls that just want to bake and have babies - that or he really likes a good show. Both. Anyway, that was the first mention of adoption in our relationship. Then we went to Mexico together and saw sweet babies there and immediately I thought, if this is the guy, what if this is the place? Oh, shoot, wait, I was trying not to like him. Then I saw him with babies and...the rest, they say, is history.


 A year into being married - and I'll spare the details - but we weren't sure if biological babies were in the cards for us. After another year of "trying" - (I hate that expression so very much - like, yes, we are "trying" isn't everyone "trying" and yes we have "tried" and its really fun to "try" until you really want to "try" I mean - seriously - bllleech) -- we decided, maybe adoption is what God is calling us to do for all of our kids. And that was totally fine, honestly. As we started really thinking and looking into what it would take to start the process, we realized (1) we were really "young" for a couple wanting to adopt internationally - most countries have age restrictions and (2) holy cow, expensive. No sooner did we start really looking at our options, I was pregnant. Funny how that works? Or is it?


Two kids later, we really started discussing our family "plan". (Kinda like the conversation we had after having ONE baby -- something like, remember how we both said we wanted lots of babies -- do you see how much work this is?? Should we reconsider??) What does it look like now? What does adoption mean to us now? As parents, I think we look at adoption TOTALLY different than we did when we didn't have kids and we just wanted to be parents. If that makes any sense. Now it wasn't just adopting a child because we felt called, and because we wanted to have a family. We looked at Skylar and Wyatt and thought, how could anyone not want their babies? Or not be willing to make whatever sacrifice they needed to to keep them? Or even - how in the world could a birth mom love her baby so much, that she would give them to a family who could give them something different than what she could. The thought of this really takes my breath away.

We attended an information meeting in Orlando last August - just to see if we were on the right track and what we needed to do to really get started. The lady hosting the meeting said it best, it was like drinking from a fire hydrant. So.Much.Information. We left confused. Were we even called to do this? Yes. Should we be adopting locally instead of internationally? I don't know. Can we do this? Yes. The paperwork! How? When? Where? I don't know!! We knew we were still called. We knew we could do it. We were just scared. So we waited. For a better time.


January. Job Switch. We had been in the same place at UPS for ten(+) years. Stressed - sure. Not the greatest hours - sure. Holiday schedules stink - definitely. But we never worried about what we wanted to do, and when we wanted to do things, or how we would do things. Our security, quite honestly, found in a job.  And then here we found ourselves with a much better schedule, and less stress - and a giant question mark of well, we were about to start this adoption, but can we do this? Should we do this? No. Surely this timing is not right. For months we went back and forth on what was right for our family. This [adoption] can not possibly be what we should be doing right now. It makes no [financial] sense. We had talked, prayed, discussed, looked in to, researched and never ever felt at peace.  In my head, I honestly wanted the lack of peace to be because -- in my must-have-a-plan-that-makes-sense world -- it didn't make sense, therefore why consider something that might take me out of my comfortable little world?  Yet, in my heart of hearts I knew that it was the Lord saying to me (probably screaming, honestly)  I'm calling you to do this! Do you trust me?  Have I failed you yet??  Why won't you just LET me??


Everywhere we went -- ADOPTION.  Song on the radio.  Pastor mentions it (and how we are all called in some way to care for the orphans, or that we have ALL been adopted into the Family of God).  LITERALLY, Skylar meets a new friend, whose mom informs me - oh yeah, we just got home from Thailand - she is adjusting beautifully.  What???   Okay, God! I hear you! I see you!  Finally, one night, we are again discussing logistics -- and how I (it's me -- it is always me) just don't know -- and Nate says - Carrie, I think we just need to do it.  We need to fill out the paperwork and TRUST GOD (what a concept) to work out all that other stuff.  As I started to make another excuse...or reason with him...he says (patiently) - I think we will start tomorrow....

So here we are. Adopting from China.

1 comment:

Jo Berry Lamphier said...

Yeah !!! Can't wait to meet (& hold & kiss) "our" new addition to the family... I have already made a place for you in my heart.